That's not what I said!

Ever get in one of those arguments in which you (or the other person) is like, "That's not what I said!" or "I never said that!" in a tone of rising fury?

The retaliation tends to be, "Yes you did! You definitely said [some word here]!"

From experience and... well.... musing, I believe that in 99% of these arguments, the listener is right. Why?

Think about when you are speaking to someone. All you want to do is convey some meaning to this other person, so you're focused primarily on the meaning. More often than not, the actual words you say aren't registered in your own mind nearly as much as they are to the listener, who must absorb the words first and then extract meaning.  I see it similar to...

Speaker ==> Meaning he wants to convey ==> words he tries to use to convey it ==> Listener

The listener is closer / more focused on the words because he is trying to grasp them entirely so he can get the speaker's meaning. Think about it. The speaker is often so entrenched in the meaning that he may "let things slip" from his mind quite easily. This all goes to explain why I feel the listener is correct in most of these arguments.

Quick example from my life. My five-year-old sister is talking about trophies - she has a little trophy from kids' gymnastics - and in a quick talk she says that she wants her own place to put all her trophies (cute little ambitious kid, right?). From the depths of my heart, I dislike the extrinsic and superficial values of trophies, so I mutter that trophies are stupid. Yep. Slipped right out of my mouth, and I didn't even realize it. My sister says, "Noooo..." and grabs her little trophy and says something about how pretty it is, and I, then more engaged, say that trophies are "superficial" and don't really matter.

Then it happens.  My sister says they're not stupid; I say I didn't say they were stupid; she says yes I did; I say no I didn't; she insists; I insist... the petty argument ends with my simply turning away and going back to work, telling her to be off with some activity.  I reflect on the event later, though, and I realize that... who was right?

The five-year-old.  That is, the listener.