looming

that little voice, with the chord: its tonic note dipped into the past, its mediant and dominant taunting you in the present. it's the curse of competition, that feeling of self-worth hindered by the tonic. our roots, where we came from, where we learned to be competitive and win – only to see now that sharp disparity in ability and measurement, practical skill and particular enterprise: aware of my weakness, binding my knees and tying my hands behind my back - the knot rooted at the root of the chord.

vanquishing those looming clouds and trophy-white histories would be a good idea, but I'm much too immersed now; are these excuses I'm making, or reality of feeling? it's been embodied in the way the crew steers the ship. is this a flaw, is this a pit in my heart that should be filled with naiveté as fake fuel, or should it be something else? what changes now? a lack of maturity may be the source - too much affected by the weather, the looming past, that long-faded tonic chord. nothing is quite wrong: it's just too much caring about observances, respect.

taking drift wood by the waters and crafting them into a raft, soaking up the sand heat up through your toes, carving away at the earthy firm stone, blending water with sabotaged heat from slack in cold heart drifting boats, sipping the leaky spots that the boat endeavors to hide. we feel the boat sink slowly into the water until the wood is the crewmen taken down by the ship, while individual pieces could have floated along on top - it's being chopped and bound together that the whole thing sinks

--

is the enjoyment of creating proportional to the enjoyment of consuming? one is harder than the other by far... stories we love to consume, but creating them is quite a challenge. yet people do it - can I strive for a particular story? are there invisible characters I want to bring to life in writing, people who follow me wherever I go? an "imaginary friend" - but it must be someone very real, someone who's circumstance transcends time. or I revert back to coding, engineering things toward a more tangible result. but these are all areas I want to delve in. the characters: the team, really, it's the dynamic I want to carry with me in my journey, people to entertain and be with. what characters? humor is a must: a lonely male intellectual, a flagrant opinionated beauty, a modest normal lazy guy obsessed with war, conflict, battle; all friends, or also enemies?

--

language-based models are applied to graphics! think turtle graphics and tree grammars and generative rules: Koch curve, Koch snowslake, Hilbert curve, Sierpinski gasket
involved in the generation of trees - and why not the rest of nature too? by studying language closely, we uncover the truth of everything... and randomness/probability seems to be involved. this is remarkable.